• What's the difference between a thin prostitute and a counterfeit note?
One is a phony buck and the other is a boney fuck.
• During sex, wife says: U r like a mobile phone!
Husband: Do I vibrate a lot ?
No, when u get into the tunnel, u lose ur network. | • A pros for nite: Rs 2000
Hotel Room: Rs 3000
Condoms: Rs 50
Erection: SORRY!
There r some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Master Card! | • Old man: Doc ever since my heart transplant I always think of sex, money & more sex. Have I grown young?
Doc: Not really... The heart was of a prostitute. | • Q: Why do Women hate getting periods?
A: Because it is a ‘Bloody’ Waste of ‘Fucking’ Time! | • It’s true! All the men have double standards. They hate cats but love pussies. And they don't want to be seen riding a donkey but love to ride a good ass! | • Lakh hila lo, lakh daba lo, lakh utha lo, lakh bitha lo, lakh ghuma lo, lakh mana lo, lekin SUSU ki aakhri boond hamesha CHADDI mein hi giregi | • Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick and a magician's wand?
A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts. | • Happiness is like a penis- It always looks small if u hold it in ur own hand. But when u learn to share it, u realizes how big it grows! | • Teacher: Name some films that have almost same stories?
Pappu: Madam, Blue films. | • Guys think larger a woman's breasts, less intelligent she is. But the fact is that larger a woman's breasts, less intelligent the Men become! • On a NUDE beach a man shakes hands with a lady & says: Pleased to meet you.
Lady: Ya, I can SEE that. | • Ik aadmi nu Chhik (aa chi) aayee te naal hi padd vi aa gaya. Oh chhik te padd maar ke boliya: Wah O yaad karan waleya, bund hi paad ditti... | • What’s d heights of tension?
When u get 2 c cleavage of sexy teacher sitting right in front of u, during last 5 minutes of exam & u got 2 write a lot to pass. | • A General asks a young lady officer, how she felt in Services?
Lady: Very fine, whole day passes in saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir & the whole night in No Sir, No Sir! | • Dr: Jor se saans lijiye, Lambi saans, aur Lambi then a sound came "khatak"
Dr: Oh! lagata hai aapka rib fracture hai.
Lady: Chup raho, meri bra ka huk toot gya hai. | • Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown . . . but so's your ass. | • I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hope that, later, you'd be my whore | • 3 friends talking about AIDS
Friend: Kabhi condom ke bina nahin karta. Santa: Ungli mein bhi condom pehnta hoon.
Banta: Main to bilku risk nahin leta, padosi se karwata hoon. | • What's the moral of movie Salaam Namaste?
The moral is: Never trust Australian Condoms. | • Every married man keeps wondering every evening: Shud I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or stay home and fuck what I cannot look at. • 8 qualities of a perfect husband:
Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Nutty, Industrious, Sensitive.
And if all else fails, read the capital letters only. | • Want a booming business? Start a condom company named "DIPPER Condoms". U'll get free publicity on every truck in India. Use DIPPER at night. | • Kalu makes idlis 4 breakfast.
Wife: How did u manage 2 make such huge idlis?
Kalu: With the help of this special cloth.
Wife-U idiot give me my Bra back. | • A great scientist developed a bra that stops woman's boobs from bouncing while running or nipples showing when wet. His colleagues killed him! | • Sex - Burn Calories Chart
Lying down: 90cal
Standing up: 492cal
Doggie style: 326cal
2nd round: 824 cal
Dressing up after sex while spouse knocks at d door: 5000 cal | • A kid asked a priest: Father, besides praying do u hv any other passtime?
The priest tapped the kids cheek & calmly replied: Nun my child, nun. | • A very sexy n attractive female employee to her boss: Sir, Will you remove something from my breast?
Boss:Wow! What's that?
Ur eyes, sir ! | • Don’t carry umbrella during rain, keep WHISPER on ur head coz yeh ghanto tak geelepan ka ehsas bhi na hone de. | • If a black man fucks a white girl using a pink condom what colour of child will he get?
Idiot... still thinking? He was using a condom. | • Viagra now available in powder to put in tea, does nothing for erections but stops your biscuit from going soft. • When an apple is green, it is ready to pluck and when a girl is 18 she is ready to... VOTE. Hamesha galat hi sochoge! | • Knowledge is like ur underwear... u should have it, but not show it off & most important, when u have sex, keep ur knowledge aside. | • Air Hostess came out of Pilot's Cabin, dress crumpled, hair messy, blouse open, bra Missing, wet skirt.
Santa: Now I know why it's called COCK- PIT | • Sex & Shopping have one thing in common: In both the cases, men start sweating in 15 minutes & women want to go on and on and on and on! | • What's the diff between a Lollipop and a Penis ?
The Lollipop gets smaller with each lick and PENIS gets bigger with each lick. | • Kya hoga agar Pepsodent wale condom banaye to....??!! Hona kya hai?! Raat Bhar Dishum Dishum ! | • Ek ladki ki t-shirt pe likha tha “93.5 Red FM”
To batao uski pant par kya likha hoga - Bajate raho | • A boy & gal of LKG class asked teacher: Kya chote baccho ke bacche ho sakte hai?
Teacher: No.
Boy said to gal: Bas dekha! Tu aise hi dar rahi thi. | • Gals: Inspector ji Munde tang karde ne.
Boys: Eh ilzaam jootha hai Inspector saab, assin tang nai karde, khulli karde ne. | • Duniya mein sab se himmat wala kaun?
Dhobi- kabhi bhi kisi ke ghar jaa kar bol sakta hai sahib bibi ji ko bolo kapde nikal kar rakhe mein abhi aa ke leta hu. |
• Madam: Billu, kutti de enne bachche kyun hu jande ne?
Billu: Madam tussi vi sadak te nange ghumoge te tuhade vi ho jaan ge. | • Teacher comes to class with a rose in her blouse & asks: What does Roses drink?
Boy: Milk
Teacher: No, roses drink water.
Boy: Oh, I didn't know the stem is that long. | • Pehlan usne chunni utaari, phir kameez, phir undershirt te phir bra utaari aur aakhir mein... salvaar bhi utaar layi.
Fer...?
Fer ki si taar khaali ho gayi. | • Boss to a lady during interview for the post of secretary: What's the diff between Paperclip & Screw?
Lady: I don't know, I have never been paperclipped. | • Height of reality: An actress being fucked by a producer without using a condom saying that she has to play the role of a pregnant lady in his next movie. | • In a rape trial the lawyer asked: Did u scream for help?
Girl: Yes Sir.
Lawyer: Did anyone come?
She shyly replied: Yes sir, first I did, then he did. | • A very sexy & attractive female employee meets her boss & says: Sir, will you remove something from my breasts?
Boss Wow, whats that?
Gal: Ur eyes, sir... | • Gay to his partner in the morning: Aap naraaz hain humse?
Partner: Nahin.
Gay: To phir raat ko meri taraf muh kar ke kyon soye the? | • A gal to black boy: Tum itne kaale kyon ho?
Boy: Agar kala hoon to ismein tumhare baap ka kya jaata hai?
Gal: Agar mere baap ka gaya hota to itne kale na hote. | • If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me. • A newly wed couple went to CM for aashirwaad. CM said: Hum CM hain aur CM kabhi aashirwaad nahin dete, sirf udghatan karte hain. | • What's common between Suicide and Masturbation?
Khud-Kushi & Khud-Khushi. | • One agent was tensed.
Dealer: Kya hua?
Agent: Main 6 mahine se tour pe hoon, aur meri biwi pregnant ho gai.
Dealer: Ab pata chala bina order ke maal aaye to kaisa lagta hai... | • Boss to his secretary: Book my ticket for London, aur suno mera naam D.K. Bose likhwana, varna Airport pe mera naam BhosDK announce hota ha | • Important Chinese sayings:
1) If u don't like oral sex then keep ur mouth shut.
2) Opinion is like an asshole, everyone has one.
3) To avoid rape, say YES | • What do deer and women have in common?
The Hornier, the better !!! | • Which is the smallest hotel in the world?
VAGINA INN. It can accomodate only one standing guest with his luggage hanging outside... | • A woman who aroses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?
A Moisturiser | • Q: What does a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get. | • Desk-top is what u do with the Secretary in the office;
Lap-top is what u do with the girlfriemd in the room;
Palm-top is when u r without them and alone |
• Schoolgirl: I do not want to the Sex Education.
Teacher: Why not?
Schoolgirl: Someone told me the final exam wud be ORAL | • Lady: I'm warning u, my hubby is coming back in half an hour.
Man: But I'm not doing anything.
Lady: That's why I'm warning u. Hurry up. | • Bihari Babu: Arre O doctarwa, kaisa nasbandi kiye ho humaar? Biwi phr se maan banne wali hai.
Doc: Hum nasbandi tohar kiya hoon pura Bihar ka nahin. | • Happiness is like a dick. It always looks small if u hold it in ur own hand. But when u learn to share it, u realize how big it grows... | • Judge: U r fined Rs 11420
Rapist: 11420 ??
Judge: 10000 for rape, 10.2% entertainment tax & 4% VAT | • A 20 yr old gal to tatoo artist: How much for an animal on my knee?
Artist: Rs 500 for Tiger, Rabbit or Lion but Giraffe is free. | • What is the similarity between a bus conductor and a gay? Both shout: Peechey se Aaa | • Woman: Doc saab mujhe thode din bachcha nahin chahiye.
Doc: Yeh Condom Le Lo.
Woman: Ye pani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath.
Doc: Kele ke saath | • Beauty is 2 c & 2 touch,
Flowers r 2 smell & 2 pluck,
Nipples r 2 play & 2 suck,
Women r 2 Luv & 2 Fuck,
All these r free but depends on Luck | • A Chinese man files for divorce
Judge: What's the reason?
Chinese: Me no come, she no come, baby come, how come
Judge: May be side income |
• A young gal goes to a Doc with mom
Gal: Medical check up karwana hai
Doc: Kapde utaar k parde k peeche let jaao
Gal: Mera nahin, mom ka
Doc: Oh, aap jeebh dikhayen | • 3 commandants for a successful life: Stay married, u hv nothing to lose except happiness, stay cool coz marriage is not a word but a life sentence, stay faithful to the wife. Whose wife? That can be discussed later | • A delicate young man walked into an army recruiting office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was.
Recruiter: Gay, huh? Do you think you could kill a man?
"My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days & days" | • Litte Boy: Daddy, where did I come from?
Daddy: You came from the stork
Little Boy: Ewww, you fuc ked a stork? | • What do you do if you come across a girl in your bed?
Apologise and wipe it off! | • A kid wrote to Santa Claus: Send me a brother
Santa wrote back: Send me ur mother | • Kissing is a habit, Making love is a GAME,
Guys get pleasure, Gals get pain!
He says love u & she believes it's TRUE,
But wen tummy gets bigger, he say 'Hell to U' | • Pregnant gal se Doc ne pucha: Yeh kab hua?
Gal: Jab Mom n Dad film dekhne gaye the, mera friend ghar aaya tha.
Doc: Tum saath kyon nahin gayi?
Gal: Adult movie thi... | • How wud u tell ur galfriend if u want to go to toilet on 1st date.
Dear I've to go to shake hands with my close friend with whom I'm going to introduce u later | • Ik badmaash ik kuri nu chak ke lai janda hai te rape karna shuru kar dinda hai.
Karda karda ruk jaanda hai te kehnda hai: Hun dass kithe hai tera ashiq, je hai dum taan...
Kudi: Tu ruk na kari chal, maza aa reha hai, us kamine nu SMS padi jaan de • Why do pubic hair never grey and hair on head turn grey? Because utte sochan hi sochan te thale moujan hi moujan. | • For toothpaste ad they show teeth.
For hair oil they show hair.
For face cream they show face.
But for Whisper they r not showing anything, that's cheating. Jaago Grahak Jaago | • A prostitute goes to a school for a job
Principal: Can u teach zoology/biology/geology or physiology?
Prostitute: No. Only DALOGY & NIKALOGY | • Ladki aur chai mein hamesha 6 qualities honi chahiye:
Garam ho, Tez ho, Meethi ho, Doodh jyada ho, 5 minute mein taiyyar ho, and Raat bhar sone na de | • Baniya gave matrimonial ad for his daughter, working at a call centre: Wanted a suitable match for Chandigarh's highest paid call girl | • Bania to petrolpumpwala: Your scheme 'Free Sex with Petrol' is a fraud. Pumpwala: It's not fraud sir. Ask ur wife, she has already won 9 times | • A young blonde goes to the doc 4 a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the gal's chest & says: Big breaths.
The girl replies: Yeth & I'm not even 16 | • Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta?
Man: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon? | • Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society; but always remember who laid them! | • 10 qualities of a perfect girlfriend- Truthful, Intelligent, Gentle, Humble, Tolerant, Polite, Understanding, Sexy, Smart, Youthful. In short -TIGHT PUSSY • A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector.
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet | • School mein bachche ke papa ne teacher se kaha: Madam ji Thodi aap koshish karo, thodi hum karte hain, bachcha to nikal hi jayega...! | • Ek sawaal: Duniya ka sabse mushkil kaam kya hai?
Jawaab: Soye huye pappu par condom chadhaana. | • Boy: If I press ur boobs & run, what'll u think?
Girl: I'll think... Ek bewakoof, jo puri car chala sakta tha, sirf horn daba ke bhag gaya | • What did the Hen say when Rooster tried to rape her?
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckaaak | • An ad in the paper: Come Via_Agra... and see man's greatest erection for a woman. The Taj Mahal...! | • Boy asks a girl: How much calcium is there in woman's Breasts?
Girl: Woman's Breasts have enough calcium to help a Man's boneless thing standup! | • Ladki apni marzi se de to Pyar,
Dost dilaen to Uphaar,
Ghar wale dilaen to Sanskaar Aur hum apne aap le lein to Balatkaar | • Why Newton was shocked when he saw a beautiful girl naked?
He found his dick going up, which was against his 'Law of Gravity' | • A baniya has sex just on alternate days! His friend asks him the reason. Baniya replies: Ke karen, ek din to condom sukhane mein lag jaave hai! • Y do women with large breasts have small waists?
Because nothin grows under the shade | • Ladies hostel warden calls electricity office & complains: Aaj to aadmi bhej do, ladkiyan 3 din se mombatti se kaam chala rahi hain | • Congratulations on the termination of ur isolation & may I express an appreciation of ur determination to end the desperation & frustration which has caused u so much consternation in giving u the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population. | • What's the similarity between drinking a coke & sucking a tall woman's tits?
Piyo sar utha ke... | • The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet she's got you by the balls. | • A fat electrician while having sex asks her wife: Bolo priye tumhe kya gam hai?
Wife: Swami Load Jyada aur Voltage kam hai | • Dear subscriber ur sex balance is low. Ur account will be put into virginity mode so please refuck as soon as possible to keep ur account open. | • What's the difference between Patiala Peg n Patiala Salwar?
Ek chadti jaldi hai aur ek utarti jaldi hai. | • A boy comes to his class with broken specs. Teacher: What happened?
Boy: I was kissing my galfriend
Teacher: How could u break ur specs kissing a gal?
Boy: She crossedher legs | • What does a hen think when a cock runs after her?
She thinks: I hope I'm running not too fast |
• Y is puppy greater than dog?
Coz it could wriggle out of the spot where its father got stuck!! | • Man: Mistriji, bed majboot banana, mere bete ko bahu ke saath sona hai.
Mistri: Aisa majboot banaunga ki saara mohalla Bahu ke saath soye to bhi nahin tootega | • Jab Gabbar paida hua to uski maan ne us se 3-4 thappad lagaye
Gabbar's Father: Kya baat ho gayi?
Mother: Kambakht paida hote hi pooch raha tha KTNE AADMI THE... | • Girl: Arey itna bada! Munh mein kaise daloongi?
Boy: Jaldi munh kholo!
Girl: Oops, sare kapdey giley ho gaye.
Boy: Aur logi?
Girl: Na baba, yeh golgappe tum hi khao | • Common statements by girls after the exam & the wedding night: Thoda Mushkil tha lekin Achcha tha, Kaafi lamba bhi tha, Thak gayee, Aata tha lekin theek se kar nahin paayi | • The trouble with finding ur perfect soul mate is that she would probably want to get married, then 4 weeks after the wedding u would meet another perfect soul mate, with larger breasts | • A lady, toweling off in front of the mirror, noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down & said to her privates: I know u haven't been getting much lately but I didn't know u were so worried about it | • Judge: So, when did you realise that you were raped?
Prostitute: When the cheque bounced! | • What's fashion designing?
Too many brains, with too many ideas working on too little pieces of cloth... just to cover two little tits of a model. | • A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Meena First Class in Bed! • The prayer of a naughty girl visiting the Chucrh:
Oh Virgin Mother thou who did conceive without sinning... teach me to sin without conceiving! | • A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it | • BAR & BRA... wonder what it’s about these three letters that both induce sudden desire & thirst, anytime you see them open... | • Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?
Johnnie: Sure, back of the church yard. | • Two prostitutes were talking:
We're in the best business in the world
Why's that then?
Well, we've got it, we sell it, and we've STILL got it! | • What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock. | • A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don't know how many have handled it but u still want to have it. | • U should be thankful to the Govt for the condition of Indian roads, otherwise u wud have missed the beautiful view of Bouncing boobies on scooties! | • Hey dude Congrats!!! Heard you got selected as the first male model for Whisper Ad... 'Why Should Girls have all the Fun' | • Teacher: Hamein machcharon ko paida hone se rokna chahiye.
Student: Wo to ho hi nahin sakta.
Teacher: Kyon?
Student: Kyonki itna chota condom ban hi nahi sakta. • Jab tumahara rape hua to tumne kya mehsoos kiya?
Girl: Ladoo agar zabardasti khilaya jaye to bhi lagta to meetha he hai. | • A rooster & cat were goin over a bridge, cat slips n falls in river. Rooster can't stop laughing.
Moral: Wherever there's a wet pussy there's a happy cock | • A girl for first the time was handling a boy's cock. After some time some drops came out, she asked what's that?
The boy said: Yeh khushi ke aansoo hain. | • The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase wetness in females... The pill will be called Niagra! | • Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms.
Ideal for fuckers who don't know when to pull out. | • Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted! | • Don't always take things in their literal sense. Like- When Dr says take off ur clothes. When dentist says open wide. When milkman says u want in the front or in the back. When interior dec say once it is in u'll luv it. When banker says if u take it out soon u'll lose the interest. When the phone guy says wud u like it on table or against the wall! | • A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?
Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara.
Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja. | • Hey dude Congrats! Heard u got selected as the first male model for Whisper advertisement. Why should girls have all the fun. | • Met a girl the other day who has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. It's amazing, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea! • A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her profession.
Prostitute: I'm a social engineer.
Policeman: What do u do?
Prostitute: I build & destroy erections | • Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?
A: A computer doesn't laugh at a 3½ inch floppy. | • Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day. She'll give u gud news on Mothers` day n u'll hv a child on children`s day. Don't try this on everybody. U'll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day) | • It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it, and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole. What is it?
Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind. | • Taxi driver: Mam, u r the 3rd pregnant lady whom I'm dropping to Airport today.
Lady: But I'm not pregnant.
Driver: But we hvn't reached airport yet. | • Wives r incoming calls,
Lovers r outgoing calls,
Aunties r Toll-free calls,
Callgirls r Roaming calls,
Neighbour girls r Missed Calls. | • Heaven is when u have both girls and bottles of beer. Hell is when u discover that the bottles have holes and the girls don't. | • Medical News: Patients do well when transfused chicken blood instead of human blood?
Men get more cocky and women lay better. | • Shoe laces and smart men have one thing in common... They keep in touch with severel holes simultaneously. | • If u want to start business • An in-depth study has shown that the bird-flu virus hits small cocks first. I thought i'd warn u immediately. | • What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper & a woman?
When they are wet, they do not squeak any more! | • Which part of the body is most sensitive while watching adult movies? Guess?
Ha ha, U R wrong. It's ur ears to make sure ki koi aa to nahin raha. | • The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer before making love. | • Young man asks an older man: Sir, what is retrenchment?
Older man: Retrenchment is when u r replaced by a computer at work and a vibrator at home. | • Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week.
Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months. | • Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So let's begin. | • Singboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy... | • Yesterday's news: An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging. | • A policemen arrested a prostitute
Gal: I'm a saleswoman not prostitute.
Police: What r u selling.
Gal:I"m selling condoms & offering a FREE DEMO |
, start a Condom company named DIPPER. It'll get free publicity on Indian trucks... Use Dipper at Nigh |
|
• How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE | • Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside. | • Palat k Dekh Jaalim,
Tamanna hum bhi rakhte hai,
Husn tum rakhti ho to jawaani hum bhi rakhte hai,
Gehrai tum rakhti ho to Lambai hum bhi rakhte hai. | • Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khul dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasnelagi.
Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga. | • Father: Tell me the name of the bastard who made u pregnant?
Daughter: Daddy if u eat fifteen bananas, can u tell which one made u fat? | • Why is golf called a wrong game?
Coz u hold a stick n put the ball in the hole instead of holding the ball n putting the stick in the hole. | • Balatkari Baba ka b'day kal GB Road pe dhoom dhaam se manaya jayega. Blue film & bahut si adult samagri bhi baanti jaeygi. SMS sirf khaas tharkiyon ko bheja ja raha hai. | • What women don't really understand: For a man, his friends r like his balls. Very close to him, constantly at hand n always hanging around seemingly doing nothin, but without em he's simply not a complete man. | • Why is sex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again... | • Johny Johny
Yes Papa
Fuckin Gashties
Yes Papa
Wearing condom
No Papa
Getting AIDS HA HA HA
Send to all careless fuckers. • During a sexual session, the gal says: U r like a mobile phone!
He asks: Do I vibrate a lot?
Gal: No, when u get into the tunnel, u loose signal. | • In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: What r nitrates?
Ladki ne sharma ke kaha: Night rates r costlier then day. | • Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise. | • Man: Doc mera khada nahi hota hai.
Doc: R u married?
NO.
Do u hv a g/f?
NO.
Do u go to prostitutes?
NO.
Doc: To khada karke kya calander tangega? | • Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck makes it last 15 minutes longer. So smokers...FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE! | • I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday and Tevery other day! | • Women eh! Boob jobs, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellies & clits. Eyebrows plucked, bikini lines & legs waxed & they won't take it up the arse ‘coz it HURTS! | • If a married woman is called 'Polo... The mint with a hole' Then what's an unmarried woman called...?
CENTER FRESH | • New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women. | • Q: What's the definition of a Menstrual Period?
A: A bloody waste of fu*kin time! • An old lady owned two dogs. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxidermist.
So u want them mounted?
No. Holding hands will do just fine. | • Q: What's the closest thing to a woman's period?
A: Your salary. It comes once a month lasts about 3-4 days and if it doesn't come everythings fucked. | • Q: How do we know men invented maps?
A: Who else would turn an inch into a mile! | • Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns 2 vibrator I don't know why you are fuckin shaking, she's goin 2 eat me! | • A man meets a lady at a bar and says: Hi, what' ur name?
She replies: Carman, coz I like cars & I like men, what's urs?
Man: Beer cunt! | • Women r like a pair of rubber boots. When they r dry, u can’t enter them, when they r wet, they smell & when u walk on the street with them, people laugh at u. | • Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives?
DrinKING,
LicKING,
SucKING,
F*cKING,
W*nKING ! | • Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case! | • After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis.
He asks: Do you want more sex?
She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it. | • A gal tells her Doctor: I've got a bad discharge.
Dr: Drop ur knickers.
He fingers her & says how’s it feel?
Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear. • Breaking News: Coke'll launch a new soft drink in the world market soon, that"ll contain Viagra. They have named it MOUNT-N- DO! | • Taking a clue from recent budget, a call girl now charges extra for ANAL entry. She calls it 'Turnover' tax. | • A survey by Cosmo states that women who sleep on their side are sensitive, on stomach are competent and on their back with legs in the air are very popular. | • Q: Why do pubic hair never grey and hair on head turn grey?
A: Because utte sochan hi sochan te thale moja hi moja. | • Mr Elahi had 3 sons named Rehmet-e-Elahi, Brkat-e-Elahi, n Mehbub-e-Elahi.
When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him Bus-Kar-e-Eelahi | • A 95 yr old man sucks his 90 yr old wife's breast for half hour and drinks two drops of milk and dies.
Postmortem report: Died because of drinking something after expiry date. | • Q: What did one ant say to the other while climbing up Prince Charles' leg?
A: Meet you at the royal ball. | • Karamchand to his secretary: Today u hv not worn up panties, y? Sec: U r a gr8 detective. How did u come 2 know this? KC: Today, I saw dandruff on your shoes! | • Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them?
A: To pay tribute to men who got burried at these 2 places. | • A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.
"Wanted - Girl Age no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar, But SEX Baar-baar, Hazaar bar...... Lagataar....! |
• If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck,
if its erect but soft it needs good suck,
if its neither hard nor erect, it needs good luck! | • One day the penis tells the balls:
Tonight v r goin 4 a party!
The balls reply, U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside! | • Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons! | • 3 Facts of Life
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai. | • Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke badd uski ma bolti hai "HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA. | • Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard! | • Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together.
Who? Your bum cheeks!! | • A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart receives love. Who opens her legs receives happenis | • Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio. | • Nipple, Nipple don’t b far,
let me press u in my car,
up above the chest so high,
always milky never dry,
let me suck u don’t feel shy, in the bra u’ll die. |
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